Full Disclosure: This book was read as an e-ARC (Advance Reader Copy) obtained via Netgalley from the publisher in advance of the book's release on August 20, 2024 in exchange for a potential review. I give my word that this did not affect my review in any way - if I felt conflicted in any way, I would simply have declined to review the book.
Rules for Ghosting is the debut novel for queer Jewish author Shelly Jay Shore. The book is advertised as a queer Jewish romance (and Jewish family drama) and that's exactly what it is - with a minor fantasy element of its protagonist being able to see ghosts. And so we get a story dealing with the rituals of a Jewish Funeral Home, our trans male protagonist Ezra dealing with new roommates and a crush on a hot recently widowed funeral home volunteer Jonathan, family drama incited by Ezra's mother admitting at the seder that she's actually in love with the Rabbi's wife, and oh yeah, one of the ghosts Ezra is now seeing everwhere is Jonathan's dead husband Ben. If that sounds like a lot and a mess, well, that's the point and honestly, that only makes the book feel more Jewish.
And as a Jewish SF/F and romance reader who reads a lot of queer works, well, I kind of loved Rules for Ghosting. The story deals with Jewish Guilt and Obligations and family messes in very realistic ways, has a really lovely romance between Ezra and Jonathan and doesn't do the annoying third act temporary breakup I hate in many romances, and just is pretty lovely in the end. I'm not sure how the book will work for non-Jewish readers (probably still pretty decent, but honestly who cares those readers have plenty of non Jewish romances to read) but for the Jewish and especially the Jewish and Queer romance fans, this one is definitely going to appeal.
Plot Summary:
20 Years Ago, Ezra began to see ghosts...like the ghost of his Zayde, recently deceased. This was a particular problem for Ezra because A. no one else could see them and Ezra thought he'd considered crazy if he admitted it and B. Ezra's family run a Jewish Funeral Home, where ghosts - including his seemingly always disapproving Zayde - appear constantly. The ghosts seem to follow particular rules - they stay in one spot, appear for usually inscrutable reasons, and do not talk - but they often creep Ezra out....so he stays as far away from the family business as possible working partly at the Providence Queer Community Center (PQCC) and partly as a birth doula - so he can be around new life, not death.
It's for this reason that new apartment hunting is so difficult and Ezra winds up moving into a house that contains his old ex Ollie and a bunch of other queer friends of Ollie's. And that's where he meets Jonathan, tenant of the downstairs apartment, who is really attractive and has those "nice Jewish guy" vibes that draw Ezra to him. But Jonathan is recently widowed - his husband dying in an accident - and Ezra doesn't quite want to be a rebound....or so he tells himself.
But when an explosive family revelation at this year's Passover seder - Ezra's mom is in love with the rabbi's wife - puts his family into disarray, Ezra finds himself taking his mom's job managing the family funeral home. The job puts him in frequent contact with Jonathan, who volunteers there, and Ezra finds himself falling for him....and also with a problem: because following Ezra, and not following any of the rules, is the ghost of Jonathan's husband.....
Rules for Ghosting is a very Jewish (and queer) story, especially in its family drama (but also its romance). Ezra and his family don't quite (to my mind) fit easily into one of the major US Jewish movements (although they're clearly Ashkenazi) I'd guess they were roughly somewhere between Conservative and Orthodox Jews and their funeral home attempts to cater to all Jews of any denomination and to give them all the traditional funeral rites, although sometimes adapting those rites to the peculiarity of their clients (such as the interaction of gender roles involved with preparations for burial with the fact that their clients and their families may not fit into the typical gender roles). And Ezra's family is entirely accepting of his being trans - something that's not so easy for many real life Orthodox families. Still despite the uncertainty of what movement they might fall into, Ezra and Ezra's family follow Jewish traditions, customs, and holidays in more specific ways than Reform and many other Jews (counting the Omer and Lag B'Omer celebrations being a part of this book, for instance). And their Jewishness, and Jonathan's Jewishness as well, spreads throughout this book.
This is a whole lot of words for something that won't matter to many people but well, it matters to me. There's queerness spread throughout this book as well, I don't want to neglect that: Ezra is of course trans with a loving family, his mom turns out to love another woman, his love interest is Jonathan, a gay guy, he works at a Queer Community Center and his friends are mostly if not entirely queer, etc. etc. In one really moving moment, Ezra and his family help arrange a funeral with Jewish customs for a Jewish Trans Girl who was ostracized by her religious family. In another moving moment, Ezra's job as a doula has him helping a trans male with a difficult birth. So yeah this book is very Jewish AND queer.
None of this would matter if this book wasn't good, but well it is thanks to its very excellent main character (and side characters). Ezra is a Nice Jewish Boy (TM) who is full of Jewish, Queer, and other anxieties. He cares so much for everyone - whether that be his family, especially his siblings, or his friends or the queer community at the PQCC or Jonathan, the boy he just met but is clearly so so attracted to - and his first instinct is to self-sacrifice, to take on the burden so as to try to help all of those people. This leads to him bearing so much of both responsibilities and secrets, and the pressure of it all, as well his own anxiety, really crushes him...with it not being helped by ghosts who can't even speak seeming to sometimes judge him (or with Ben, Jonathan's dead husband's ghost, the fact that he can speak that makes it even worse). Ezra cares so so much and sees his own inability to make every else's life better, to be the perfect person they can trust and rely upon, as a personal failing that makes himself feel not worth love in and of itself. And so much of the plot here is Ezra learning that he needs to realize he has his own value in and of itself, that he is worthy, and that sometimes the limits of what he can do are good enough. In fact it's MORE than good enough, it truly is wonderful.
And well the same is true of some of the side characters. Ezra's siblings have to deal with the bombshell revelation of their mother and how it changes their lives and interactions and understandings of each other, and have their own anxieties and issues. Jonathan struggles with the fact that he was on the verge of splitting from his husband before that husband died and he feels conflicted over grieving and the conflict that he feels over that he feels this way. There's also the conflict over running the funeral home in a way that CAN be helpful to the Jewish community - all parts of it - even when such a manner threatens the ability of the funeral home to stay open in the first place.
And then there's the romance here between Ezra and Jonathan, which is really lovely and well done. The struggles Ezra has to dive into the romance even as he wants it is really understandable and well written, the one on page sex scene is solid, and the relationship's third act turn is really done well - we don't have the annoying trope of a secret coming out causing them to break apart for a while before they realize they need each other (as the book hints it might go to) but instead have revelations simply showcase how Ezra's own anxieties are holding him back and how he needs Jonathan, and Jonathan needs Ezra, to get through them. They're just so lovely nice people - honestly if the book has a fault it's perhaps that Jonathan is too damn perfect really.
So yeah, if you're looking for a Jewish romance or a queer romance, or particularly a Jewish Queer Romance and family drama, Rules for Ghosting is definitely going to be right for you. An excellent debut and I look forward to more from Shore.
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